KGOMO KA DINAKA, MOTHO KA DIPUO, ASSITEJ THROUGH THE ARTS.

21 Feb 2025

Love is a doing word. Grammatically a verb.

This month, stories of love might flood us. Sometimes real, sometimes imagined. Nevertheless heart-warming and sometimes heart-breaking. Regarding love, it’s the matters of betrayal of trust toward the vulnerable groups in our society that often leave a gut wrenching feeling and bitter taste in me.

Lerato, Uthando, Caru, Amour, Amor, Αγάπη (agapi), Kkjærlighet, 사랑 sarang, Liebe, Payar …

I recently heard a story of a man who murdered a six year old child. According to this man, the child said nothing when he poured out his heart about his marital struggles. The man has since served his time in prison and the six year old would have been 30 something years old this year. Evidence in court show that he lured the child to his home by giving her a lollypop sweet.

As we prepare to go to Marseille for the ASSITEJ France’s artistic gathering, I could not help but be reminded of the six year old, since I am also saddened and at the same time inspired by the story of Nkgono (Grandmother) Gisèle Pelicot from France. At 72, she received justice after being sedated and raped by the “love” of her life Dominiqe Pelicot (now ex-husband and imprisoned for 20 years), and the many men (varied sentences) that he organised to rape her. The “caring husband” would sometimes bring Nkgono Gisèle her favourite “flavoured ice-cream” to their bedroom, where many of the violations and assaults took place. In their home.

These two stories made me think deeply about the responsibility we carry as those who work with and for children and young people. Thankfully, as an organisation linked at a global level, we get to be exposed to the tools that can help us protect children. One of these tools is through language and languaging, and this is what I have found particularly intriguing about the story of Nkgono Gisèle who has in many ways, dynamized the ideals of feminism and Linguist Julia Penelope, who has been arguing about how words may make or break us.

Nkgono Gisèle talks about “shame changing sides”, thus allowing the spotlight of blame to fall on the perpetrators; and this reminder calls for celebration. In his presentations, gender-based violence activist Jackson Katz, references Penelope and makes an invitation for introspection on how we frame gender violence. He gives a simple and yet profound example that I would like us to ponder:

John beat Mary – John (Subject) beat (Verb) Mary (object)
Mary was beaten by John – Passive
Mary was beaten
Mary was battered
Mary is a battered woman.

You can substitute John or Mary with any name, The Sesotho expression “Kgomo e tshwarwa ka dinaka motho ka dipuo” can loosely be translated to mean “a cow is held by the horns and a person by their words” and this supports my argument based on the example above.

You may notice that as the story spreads, John is now off the equation. And the big question is what happened to John? One of the significant things that Nkgono Gisèle Pelicot gifted us through her trial was her courage to waive her right to anonymity; a rebellion that will not only change the way we approach our words as we serve, but help us educate ourselves and all the relevant stakeholders, including the children and young people, about where we place the focus in addressing issues of sexual assault. This case rings as significant to me as an ASSITEJ member.

Playbacker Lori Wynters writes “we mistakenly demand safety, but the most we can ask for is respect.” For all that we do, may we get respect, not only because we deserve it, but because our work is aimed at ensuring the well-being and potential of South Africa’s children is realised. Thank you Nkgono Gisèle Pelicot. Your land will soon be welcoming multitudes of artists committed to expressing their respect for humanity by making the world better through the arts, focusing on children and young people. We thank you for your courage. It gives us courage.

Lalu Mokuku is the Chairperson of ASSITEJ SA and will be attending the Bright Generations artistic gathering from 23 to 29 March 2025 in Marseille, where ASSITEJ International will celebrate 60 years of existence (1965 – 2025).

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